Why I Regret Giving My Kids Cell Phones

As a parent, one of my biggest mistakes was giving my children cell phones too early. I didn't realize that a cell phone would connect them to the entire world—and connect the entire world to them. We thought our rules would be enough:

• We set up strict controls on our home internet
• We only allowed phones in family areas—never bedrooms or bathrooms
• They needed our permission for all accounts
• They could only use apps we approved
• Phones stayed downstairs charging at night
• We could check their phones anytime
• We could look at their messages whenever needed

Even with all these safeguards, our middle child still found ways around them. He would clear his history before letting us check his phone. When we finally took his phone away, he started going online at school, at friends' houses, and even at the public library. By then, online groups had already changed how he saw himself.

Real-World Examples I've personally seen in churched Christian families:

• A high school senior suddenly announced to his parents he was transgender after months of private conversations with online strangers about identity—conversations his parents knew nothing about.
• Some kid actually bought a plane ticket to visit "friends" they had only met online—putting themselves in serious danger.
• One student sent over 40,000 messages in a single month to a classmate—that's more than 1,300 texts every day.
• Many kids spend hours each day talking with complete strangers about personal topics like their identity and feelings—building deeper relationships with unknown people online than with their own families.

As someone who has worked with middle schoolers for 25 years, I've watched phones transform childhood—and not for the better. Research now confirms what I've seen firsthand.

For parents of students who don't have phones yet, please consider holding off. If you need to stay in contact, try an Apple Watch with LTE calling features, a Samsung watch with LTE or a basic flip phone instead.
 
I know it's hard when "everyone else" has one, but your child's wellbeing is worth it.

Common Excuses I Hear:

• "My older kids already have phones, so I can't say no to my youngest."
• "They already have a phone—they'd hate me if I took it away."
• "We have filters, so it's fine."
• "My child would never look at bad stuff or talk to strangers online."

Yes, not giving your child a smartphone is difficult. Taking one away is even harder. But sometimes the most loving thing we can do as parents is set boundaries that protect our children, even when they don't understand why.

The book "The Anxious Generation" provides evidence of how phones are affecting our kids' mental health. It's worth reading if you want to understand more about what's happening.